Life goes on

          I have not posted in about a week... This is because life always seams to get in the way of everything ;) Let me explain. In the beginning of September  I believe September 1st actually. I was getting ready to head to school, the beginning of my sophomore year! But on that fateful day I ended up slipping and falling, there was a wet spot on the floor. When I fell I ended up tearing my Achilles Tendon. So because of my little trip I have been struggling a lot with pain. This is a painful injury so it makes perfect sense that I have been in pain, but it has not only been my leg in pain but my heart too. I have been having to deal with myself a lot lately. Tearing my Achilles has now prevented me from playing basketball at school this year, I can barely keep up with my friends when we go grocery shopping, I can't dance at a party, to be honest I should not even be driving my car because my foot doesn't bend in that direction; Basically all I can successfully do is sleep A LOT. I am like a baby, I sleep all night long at least 8 hours (usually 10) any less and I am not present to be around. I take REALLY long naps in the afternoon, from around 2:30 when I get out of class until about 5:30 or 6. Sometimes my naps even last until 7 honestly it is ridiculous, and when I am awake I am to tired to do anything.
          Because of this, at this time my parents and I have decided that it is best for me to stop my schooling while I heal and so that I am home for recovery after surgery. So this leaves me to a place where I wonder what I should do with my life? It makes me wonder where I need to go from here, Am I still going to blog about something? I don't know.
          Like normal I really don't have anything in particular to say maybe I just needed somewhere to talk, I feel as if I am at a cross road in life. I know where I want to be, I know what I am going to do to get what I want, but right now nothing seams to be going anywhere. So I think this is a new start and I need to take a step back to what I said in my first blog.

"A man plans his course but the LORD determines his steps"

This just keeps getting harder.

~Em

So hung foo

            HUNGURRRRRRRRRRRR…. This is what fasting makes us feel ;) But should it not make us feel something more? Last Friday in class we had a speaker come to us and explain the King's Stomach. This idea is that your stomach controls you, you do not control your stomach. This lead into our reading and exercise for the week; Fasting. We did not have to fast from food, it could be from video games or really anything that we thought controlled us more than we controlled it. So my roommate and I decided to fast from fast food. We go and get fast food all the time, basically we know each other's McDonald's orders because we go there so often. I know she doesn't get Ice in her drink and she knows I ONLY drink Diet Coke. I know she needs a million packets of ketchup and says she only needs a couple because she is trying to cut back but goes back for one more. She knows I had a falling out with Ketchup a while back and barbeque sauce is a necessity to complete my meal. Basically its bad.

            So for this exercise we intended to not go to get fast-food, did I mention we frequent Taco Bell often as well. Burger King is on the mind occasionally as well. We decided that instead of going out for dinner all the time, we would make our own food and attempt to use all of our meals in the Kitchen for the week.

            So far this has been going well. Except last night I did go to Subway. But I justified it because it is not super unhealthy fast food. Let me just say this. Something I have realized is that I get fast food because I am lazy. I have the tendency to look at the food I have in my dorm room and think McDonalds sounds better, or its faster, or I don’t want to make anything. It is really because I am lazy. To be honest the microwave is not fast enough. I don’t think I am the only one to say this but if I am well at least I am honest with myself. Not going and getting fast food this week has not been too bad. First and for most it saves money which as a poor college student I always need money. Another thing is I do realize how God blesses me, I mean not many people can afford food, and I have food enough to eat in my dorm and have the opportunity to go out to eat. I plan on attempting to make it through the whole week not going and getting fast food, I think I can make it. But I do have to honestly say that I have the kings stomach for more than just food. I put on makeup because I want to impress others, I play video games because I am procrastinating against homework or I am just board. I think the Kings Stomach is present in everyone's life for more than just food. I think we need to practice fasting for more than just ourselves. I think we need to practice fasting so when we begin the journey, we begin with God and when we are at the lowest we turn to God. When we are at the highest we need to learn to Go to God, and when it is just another day, we need to turn to God. It is hard for me to remember this, it is hard for everyone. So I challenge you to turn to God with everything.

~Em

Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name,

            For this post, I am suppose to be telling you all about prayer…. But I cannot…. I can tell you that the idea of prayer is all about opening up to communication with God. I can tell you about the basics, what prayer is, and why it is important. All the technical things. But I do not know how to get across what prayer actually means to me.

            I should probably begin by telling you my plan of action for this weekend. There was none. (Sorry Professor) But life got in the way. I was in a car accident on Thursday and this pretty much shaped my weekend. I did not read until right now to be honest.

            But I can tell you a little life experience. You see my parents have taught me how to pray all my life, they taught me the before bed prayers, what to pray before and after I ate, what to pray out of the bible, (did you catch my title J) They taught me well enough that I could recite any of these prayers if you asked. As I got older my parents even taught me how to pray my own prayers, how to pray about my day, how to really shape my prayers if that makes any sense. But when it comes down to it I am the worst prayer ever. I pray before bed… When I remember. I pray before I eat, If I think about it. My usual prayers consist of when I take a shower and when something important happens. I honestly pray when I think about it.

            BUT all this being said, this weekend has oddly changed my prayer life. As I sat in my car after the accident all I could think was the LORD's prayer.

            "Our father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the KINGDOM and the POWER and the GLORY FOREVER. Amen."

            As people were freaking our around me, I think I had this peace in prayer. I knew for a fact that everything was going to be okay, because God is with me. Honestly the only reason I was upset was because of my poor car…. RIP…. He is no longer with us. L tears…. (may I take a moment to say this is why people do not name their cars… When they are lost to an accident it is a billion times worse poor Grandpa…. I learned how to drive with him L)

            Back to the main point J through this story, I believe what I am trying to say is when we root our lives in prayer we have a better sense of calm. When we have that open dialog with God, constantly throughout our days life is better, but I realize how I need to learn to pray not just as I go, but I need to take time to sit at night or in the day and really pray. Pray for my family and friends, pray for people who are suffering and are in need of help. So I will end this journal in prayer, I will pray for you! Readers whoever you are, I will pray for my family and friends, For people who are suffering and in need of someone.

I am praying for you

-Em

Meditation

Okay so this past week in class when we were told that we had to read on meditation I was defiantly thrown off. I have always assumed Meditation was not really an aspect of the Christian life. I understand the bible says "Meditate on my words day and night" but I never really gave this too much though. Basically I ignored it. I thought meditation was for Monks and weird people in the movies who could float. So it was interesting to get assigned the task of Meditation. Basically the idea of meditation taking a moment to reflect on what God has done for you. This could be something as easy as taking a moment to realize that although you have a janeky car, you got back to school safely. (I own a 1992 Ford Taurus, his name is grandpa and let me tell you he is on is last leg....) OR after reading your bible, taking time to just think and pray about what you have read.

(Backtracking) This year me and my dad have decided to attempt yet again reading the bible in a year. This year unlike any other year we decided to start in the New Testament (Matthew) instead of beginning in the Old Testament (Genesis). Since we have been doing this I decided what better way to practice meditation than taking an aspect of life that I already have set in place, and expanding it! I wanted to take my bible and read and after I read through the verses for the day, I wanted to sit and reflect on what I read. Pray about it. Take time to really soak in what I have read.

Amazingly this time I actually accomplished what I set out to do. Basically as I read I kept thinking one thing! Jesus is AWESOME! As I sat and read I was just in aww of all that he has done! His teachings, how he talked to people!!!! I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am about reading my bible!!!! (I apologize for all the exclamation marks :)) I was so excited to sit and read my bible. I came to my bible reading not only spending 15 minuets reading my bible, But than I sat for another hour thinking about what I read, praying and texting my dad about all I read! HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!!!!

I do not think I have ever been so excited about bible reading before. I think I have always come to reading my bible as a chore, as something I had to do because I was supposed to be a "good" Christian. But I think taking time to meditate on what I have read has really changed my heart toward what the bible has to say and how God is speaking to me through his word. I think this is a great way to approach the bible. Taking time to not only read but to also think about what those words mean to your life. Now I am not saying sit for an extra hour, that may be a little excessive.... But give me some credit I am at a bible college this is not out of the usual (at least I don't think) But I am saying if you read right before bed, in your prayers ask God to guide you like the people you are reading about. Or help me to learn from what i have read. Or if you read your bible at lunch take a moment before you eat to ask God to speak to you through the reading of his word and purposefully take a moment to think about what you are reading. Like usual I am not sure if I have made any sense  But this is what I have thought about as I meditated on God's word this weekend. I also want to point out that this is a practice I want to continue, even if it is not daily.

Have a great week!!!

-Em

Public Confession.... Or not that is alright by me :/

            For class reading this time through we happened to read about public confession. The basic Idea is that it is freeing to confess your "sins" to other believers. Let me tell you something about me this is TOTTALY NOT okay by me. I am not the type of person to sit down with someone and tell them my inner most secrets with someone, I promise I have gone through the counseling sessions and let me tell you all I got was a load of "how does that make you feel?" This is not alright by me….

            To explain this Idea further it is also about being able to forgive ourselves for the sins we have committed. It is about changing your ways so that they are more pleasing to God and in a way more pleasing to ourselves. By this I mean it is about changing your way so that we don't always feel guilt and self loathing for the demons in our lives. This discipline is about stepping out of a comfort zone and asking someone else to walk with us so that we may not continue straying into the hands of the devil.

            So for this blogging assignment I decided that I wanted to share a pretty personal story, but something kind of ironic happened to me before I could write this blog. Our floor had an event where we all went horse back ridding. There we all sat in a big pile of hay and began sharing some of our testimonies. One girl in particular ended up sharing a pretty big secret that ended up hitting me pretty hard. It was one of those things where looking back you wish you would have stood up and said "Hey you are not alone in this, I have been struggling with the same thing in my life." But unfortunately I just sat there, not saying something I knew in my heart of hearts I should have said.

            Lets fast-forward a little bit from here, Thursday night, 9-27-12, I was walking up stairs pretty late at night grabbing my laundry because I realized that I had no pants to wear the next day and it is not the most classy of things to go pants less to class! This girl that shared her secret with us was sitting in the hall, I passed by with a casual hello and it struck me then and there that I needed to turn my butt around and tell her how brave she was and basically spill my own guts. After all was said and done we now have a date for Tuesday, 10-02-12, to really talk. It may not be about this in particular struggle we both share, but that is not the point. The point is that as Christians we need to learn how to face our battles together. No matter the struggles we have there is someone who is also struggling through the same things.

            So I bet I now have you all at the point where you are all wondering what this sin is I am kind of talking about but not exactly sharing. Well this is something for me to know and not the world quite yet. This is a sin I am still struggling with on a daily basis, something I still have to overcome, something I realize only God can get me through. But in saying this it also is an opportunity for me to open up a dialog, for us to talk through some things at a later date as well as not (for those of you who personally know me) But with all this being said I think It is time for me to continue on with other homework, plus me and my daddy are going to start reading through the bible in a year ( I am already behind way to start off strong Emily J)

-Em

**** Here is another bible verse, do you guys like these let me know*****

Isaiah 41:10

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Continual Worship

As I mentioned earlier I am a college student. Last year our theme for the year here was Continual Worship and lately I have been thinking a lot about that. For class our past assignment was all about community worship, the assignment was to experience worship. Worship in community and feel God fully and truly. (I am really hoping that just made sense)

I can honestly say I did  not do what I intended when it came to this assignment…. long day short Sunday just was not my day this week J So because of this I feel the need to share continual worship in a different and very unintentional way.

Friday of last week I learned that one of my old Professors was speaking in chapel. The Roomsmate and I decided we really wanted to go (let us just say this professor is the best in the world! I love her, she was one of my biggest role models last year and If I can be half as influential on someone's life as she was on mine I would be amazing.) So back to the story, we planned on waking up early showering looking presentable to the world and going to chapel which is only a half hour before our class starts. Let us just say that did not happen…. Like usual I decided not to hear my alarm and woke up at 10:00 (Chapel begins at 10:10) I yelled at the Roomsmate that chapel began in 10 minutes threw on clothes and the boot (I have a really bad sprain involving some torn things) and basically did my own version of running/ limping almost falling multiple times. But all was well because I made it to chapel at 10:11 and was not late for the beginning. We sang some contemporary song and sat down. Than my professor got up and began to speak. She talked all about how a lot of Christians tend to give bad things to God… For example you trip and fall and sprain an ankle J that is easy to give to God. To come to him and say I am having this problem, I am in a lot of pain please Father help me to heal. But when is the last time we gave the good things to God? when was the last time we said God you have blessed me because my foot is not broken and I can walk and you have been able to get me into physical therapy Thank you! Or I locked my keys in the car Thank you Lord for making it an easy thing to fix and open up the door. Or even my tire blew out and another car over heated and my computer is not working BUT thank you my heavenly father for keeping me safe, for letting me have another computer to use, for giving me back grandpa(my car) So I can still have a car until we figure out how to fix Leonardo (my other car)

Sorry that was so rambley but hopefully you got the Idea. So I guess what I am trying to say about worship is that sometimes community does  not help us feel God, but I think we can feel him on our own, we feel his presence and we feel his love by worshiping through a speaker or through our daily tasks. I just have begun realizing how so very important it is for me to praise God in all I do the good and the bad, do not leave anything out. Our God is not a God of only bad, he is a God of love and a God who deserves to be worshiped in every aspect of our lives. I cannot account for you who are reading, but I want to be someone who God is radiated through,

-Em

1 Corinthians 10:31 ³¹ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

The storm begins

Let us get down to business.

There are two types of storms, a literal meteorological type storm, one with wind and rain, thunder and lightning. But there is also the type  of storm we create. It is our own personal life journey, our troubles and our sorrows, Highs and lows. The storm I want to dedicate this blog to is my life's storm. But I want to make sure you as a reader can relate to my storm. I guess to get to the bad I need to start with the good right!!! So here goes nothing…..

                As I said in my last post I was born September 16, 1992 to my Parents Ken and Sue. I am the youngest of three children (all girls). Life was great as a child! My mom and I were the best of friends! We did everything together J When I think back on my childhood I usually think about three things

1. Hanging out at the nursing home with my Grandma, my mommy and my Aunt and her youngest son, my cousin Patrick!.

2.My dad's shop! My dad is a truck Mechanic, he owned his own shop for most of my life so a GREAT memory is being there screwing around, cleaning the bathrooms, sweeping up the shop! And of course playing the Jewel thief game on his computer J best game ever.

3.Finally being with my cousins. I have a big family my dad has 4 older siblings and my mom has a younger sister and 4 older siblings. Needles to say I have A LOT of cousins! So we would be with my cousins a lot. Basically my mom's younger sister has three boys and my parents had three girls. We were always inseparable In fact I remember being called Wemily because me and my cousin William were always together.

                Any who back on track, basically I had a great childhood! Then I started school…… not the greatest thing that ever happened to say the least. I would prefer being home so I was the child who cried because I missed my mommy and daddy. But it was all okay because my best friend was going to school with me! Me and my cousin Brooke did everything together, we had many a sleepover playing Barbies of course. I am pretty sure we even made a wedding once and actually went outside to pick flowers because we knew they needed bouquets!

                As school continued it got harder (more of that later) but to give you a few examples we learned that I needed glasses when I was in first grade, I couldn’t really see so I did not learn to read until the middle of 2nd grade when my teacher realized I was reading the book upside down,,, that was something I defiantly tried to pull off as a yeah I totally know what I am doing :/ School did not go much better after that though all things ended up in me dropping out in the middle of 8th grade. Well I was glad to be rid of school, but that only lasted so long. Needles to say Sophomore year I was back but this time around I had black hair and avoided most eye contact. (Again more detail all in good time)

                Well needless to say I made it through With God at my side and Proverbs in my back pocket I made it. I know I made it only with God's help he gave me two of my closest friends that I can honestly say that I would not have been able to make it without them. Sophomores year God gave my Sam who is one of the most strong and understanding girls I know! And Allie who is my best friend, my confidant… Someone I know will always be there no matter what I do or what I go through (if you two are reading I love you both J)

                Now I am here at College, still making it through. things from the past hurt but it is okay, I think the past is what molds us and makes us better people in the end. I am excited to maybe start telling more and if no one reads well maybe this is more for me than anyone else.

Until next time friends

~Em

Luke 8:23-25

New International Version (NIV)

²³ As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

²⁴ The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”

He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. ²⁵ “Where is your faith?”he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”